dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
