I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
