I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
