you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
