even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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