My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
