I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
