Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
