I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
