please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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