That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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