the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
