i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
