I haven't been this sober since birth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
