I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
