How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think a kid would responsible me up
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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