bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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