oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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