and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
