i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
