she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
