that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
im on a boat
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