How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
