Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
