I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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