Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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