He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
