We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Alive.
So much puke
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
