sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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