My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
two words...techno handjob
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
