i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
