Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
