i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have aggressive nipples.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
