Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
