Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
