did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
