Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
