Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
