wanna go halves on a baby?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
