Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
