Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
