Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
