oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
