I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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