shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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