why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
