maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
