just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This baby is an asshole
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
