"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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