He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Did I show you my penis last night?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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