Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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