So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
