Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
