What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
